Rise and Shine.

I'm laying in my bed right now, at home (my parent's house) listening to some folk and cruising all over the internet. I'm quite bored and not tired because I slept in today. Sitting here, I just realized some stuff..

I care so much what the world thinks of me and my issues. I care so much about my problems, my life and my future. I constantly think about my future career/grad school choices and I constantly wonder when Mr. Right is going to come walking into my life. I think about my family and I analyze all their problems. I pick out flaws in myself and worry about what classes I'm going to take in the spring. I debate talking to certain people on facebook chat in hopes of an intelligent entertaining discussion and I make miniature to-do lists for tomorrow. I contemplate a solo star gazing adventure and I watched Lulu (my dog) snore.

In all of that, how much did I ponder the vastness of God?? How often did I lift a little prayer to Lord for my family or look to the Lord for reassurance about my future career and marriage? Instead of reading my bible, I peruse (I think that's the right word) the internet in hopes of finding some sort of short term entertainment and I look to others for intellectual exercise.

Oh dear, it's back to being all about me... and when it's all about me I get to freaking comfortable. So comfortable in fact, that my convictions melt down like a candle dimming. My longing for the Lord's word and His presence are muted because I see only me and my problems. This is the worst- because I am unaware of it.

I wrote this because my alarm went off and I woke up. I didn't hit snooze or quiet- I woke up. I wanted to do something before I get lulled into a deep sleep again- and this is it. You know it still blows my mind that God wants me- and yet He does. The God of the universe wants me!?! The least I could do is wake up and live! It's funny because when I am uncomfortable I am wide awake and completely aware of my suffering. I think I would rather be that way than asleep dreaming about what I used to live.

I know this probably doesn't make sense to some- but if you get this or it sounds like you... wake up with me! Remember when life was so exciting? Waking up each day excited and passionate about what God had taught you??? I sure do and I miss that... and the brilliant part is that it isn't that far away. It's Christmas- the best time to remember just how perfect, and amazing God truly is.

This is probably the best opportunity I have had this year to shine for Christ. Meeting up with old friends and family is the hardest time to show what God has done in my life-- but its the best time to show them. They know the old jackie- and she wasn't that bad- but the new jackie- or at least the one I used to know is on fire for the Lord. She lived to glorify Him in everything and she asked the Holy Spirit for boldness. She fell asleep but just woke up and now it's time to Rise and Shine!

My prayer is that God will help me wake up completely and open my eyes. Here I am- take me as I am. Oh my, where would I be without you Oh Lord?