say what!?!

"If what you believe doesn't make a difference then it doesn't make a difference what you believe."

I feel so ridiculous. Confession: I'm a terribly selfish person. I hate feeling uncomfortable and I hate making others feel uncomfortable. As long as I am happy, everyone is happy.
Do you know what is wrong with this? IT IS ANTI-Christianity. I heard the other day that Christianity is offensive- and I was dumbfounded. (John 1:9-11, John 15:18-21) You see, I want to be cool with everybody- I didn't want to be that person that spoke too loudly and offended people or the girl in the room that makes too much noise in the morning when getting ready. I don't like stepping on people's toes (you get the picture). So, all this is fine and dandy.. but its holding me back. Out here in San Diego, I'm learning that you have to be BOLD and step on people's toes. People don't like the Gospel. They don't want to hear that their lifestyle is wrong- I mean who does? I've been reading Acts and it's helping to open my eyes a bit. The men of the original church were really dependent upon the Holy Spirit and in turn they spoke with boldness that baffled many. When brought before the rulers and elders for speaking out to people about Jesus- it says that Peter was filled with the Holy Spirit (Acts 4:8) So he talked with great boldness and blew them out of the water! In fact it says:

"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus." (Acts 4:13)

I want that. I want people to look at me and recognize that I have been with Jesus. I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit and be so Bold that nothing phases me. I want to be like the woman at the well- that leaves her water bucket to run and proclaim what Jesus told her! I want to be like Stephen- who gave EVERYTHING he had and at death still put others above himself so much that he asked God to not hold this sin against them- I WANT IT SOOOO BAD! I am no longer content with being lukewarm. I don't want to be the like the many that Jesus told to follow Him- and they said BUT first. I want to just follow like Matthew did- just get up and do it (Matthew 9:9). I'm now to the point that I trust that God knows what is going on- and I just need to to give Him my time and an open heart. No ifs, ands or buts (like my mom says).

So, after reading all of this I now see I'm lacking some boldness. And, it's time to step it up a notch. It sucks to be uncomfortable- but it is what I am called to do. Right here, right now. I want to get to the point where I can rejoice in suffering too and have the attitude of feeling honored to be considered worthy to suffer for the name of Jesus Christ (Acts 5:41)

"How, they, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15

There it is- laid out in black and white. I pray that the Holy Spirit will grant me boldness like He did 2000 years ago-


"And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus." And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." Acts