I yearn to be closer to God. Everyday I feel it. And then, I screw up. I lose my cool with one of my sisters and say harsh things, or I poorly manage the resources God has given me. Sometimes, I don't trust or I give into the temptations I can hear the devil whispering into my ear. At other times, I am not the best student, I don't care when my friends are hurting or I'm so boy crazy I don't see what God has put around me.
Yeah, I fail. Alot.
Everytime I have a huge breakthrough with God, I am made Oh so aware of how messed up I am. In fact, I was reading in my journal from 2 years ago, and I wrote
"God, I am painfully aware of my shortcomings and faults. Please Oh Lord,
change me so then I can be used for Your glory."
I read that and stopped. Goodness gracious my thinking is warped. I know that God uses broken people everyday... yet I don't feel worthy enough to be used until I am perfect?
That doesn't add up.
" Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48
Okay, so after reading that... I decided to do some digging. Guess what I found? The word perfect and mature are both used in translations.... Now this would be a great time for me to break down the hebrew/greek meaning of these words- but let's be frank. I don't know it. I am just a girl who wants to serve the Lord... and if I waited until I knew the meaning
(after 3 years of seminary) I might never write this post...
IF mature and perfect correlate in some way-- then that's a bit relieving.
I promise I'm getting somewhere. Here it is- If we don't accept the grace of God that was given to us through Jesus' sacrifice... how can we ever attempt to serve the Lord?
grace + God + active serving = maturity
this math may not be be quite right but it's a start
I guess I'm trying to say that we can never get to a place where we are "perfect or mature" enough to be used.... and stand on our own... if we never serve where we are.
It's okay to not feel worthy or good enough. In fact, this sense of unworthiness can keep you humble so that God can use you.
I think that if all my prayers are focused on my own growth and maturity-- When exactly, will I start living for God? Those aren't bad things to yearn for, but maybe it's too complicated.
Maybe we need to start praying to be taught how to accept God's grace, be forgiven, let it go, and be USED...
One Step at a time
ReplyDeleteThe Lord said to Abram, Go for yourself (for your own advantage) away from your country, from your relatives and your father's house, to the land that I will show you. Genesis 12:1
Abram learned to trust God to lead him one step at a time. His story begins in Genesis 12:1.
Notice God gave him step one, not step 2. He basically told him that he would not get to step 2 until he accomplished step 1. This is so simple ...God speaks and give us directions one step at a time. Many people refuse to take step one until they think they understand steps 2, 3, 4. Go forward in God's plan for your life by trusting HIM with the first step. After a few steps, your faith will grow and your will realize there is always a sure foundation beneath you for every step God instructs you to take.
God asked Abrtam to take a difficult step and leave everything an everyone familiar to him.God promised him that taking such a step would be to his ADVANTAGE. Jesus called his disciples in the same way. Follow me and be fihsers of men.
When we obey God, we are blessed. God has a good and wonderful plan for your life and it is to your advantage. All we have to do is walk with him.....in his light one step at a time.
Today, just take a ONE step AT A TIME and listen to where GOD wants you to go and be used.