Everything.

This semester has been the hardest semester I have ever endured. I not only faced the challenge of 17 hours of upper level classes but I am battling against a ridiculously premature case of senior-itis. I guess because it is my 5th year it's really not that early but since I can't even dream of graduation until May 2011... I think it is.

Returning from Alaska proved to be refreshing and also exhausting as I plunged back into the "real world" as I know it. Integrating the life changing things I learned there into my "normal" life here has been interesting, and has been reflected in my goals, decisions and fashion statements- flannel one day, glitter the next??? haha

I'll be honest and admit that my heart has struggled with the self discipline necessary to remain in a constant state of intimacy with the Lord. When school is crazy-- guess what suffers? Yep- my quiet time. Fortunately, our God is loving and is always there. Even during the crazy times- He has shown His love for me and revealed new things to me.

I've always been a "you get what you deserve" kind of person. So, I've always made sure to do what I need to do to get what I desire. In the past year, I've fallen short of what I thought I should be achieving. I knew I didn't deserve to catch a break and as a result I refused to ask for one. Instead, I disguised my shortcomings as "not a big deal" and just kept going. Eventually, as do most things in life, this caught up with me and by October my little pile of imperfections and short comings had turned into a HUGE mountain of junk. Guess what all that junk does to one's spiritual life??? Yeah-- it makes things very fuzzy. I was not only hiding things from the world-- but I was now hiding things from God.

This didn't last for very long-- because the BIG questions are in my life right now and I need God to help me answer them.

What am I going to do in my future??

Who is going to be in my future??

God help me discern Your will for my life!

It became VERY clear VERY quickly that the junk had to go. I had to first be honest with God- and identify what it was that was weighing me down.

I think this is where the term spiritual pruning came from because this phase HURTS. Cutting off limbs sucks so bad-- because you question if they will ever grow back. It's better to have limbs that are mediocre than not have limbs right??

Lots of trust and faith have gone into this part. I'm trusting that God will regrow new and better limbs in my life-- fruit bearing limbs.

So here I sit- finishing the pruning stage and approaching the renewal phase. As this semester ends I am hopeful a new spring will bring a stronger more mature faith into my life. Just today, God reminded me that He wants EVERYTHING I have- not the things I think He can handle but EVERYTHING.

"And behold, a man came up to him, saying, "Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?" And he said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments." He said to him, "Which ones?" And Jesus said, "You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." The young man said to him, "All these I have kept. What do I still lack?" Jesus said to him, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions." Matthew 19:16-22

What is holding you back from God?